1. Always say you went to the gig. Try to go but if the band doesn’t come on until one am – a hot date with the electric blanket is better. Phone a friend and find out what song was the highlight of the night. Tell partner how brilliant he was.

2. If the band gets a bad review – console partner with “it’s only one person’s opinion and please, they think Pink is cutting edge – what would they know?”

3. Be careful with groupies. On the one hand they come to the gigs, buy the T-shirts and CDs, in short, pay your meal ticket, (if you are not financially independent) and on the other hand, they are cunning little home-wreckers who must be dispensed with. Try to do this gracefully. Think along the lines of: “how would the CIA deal with this?”

4. Do not let husband party until seven am every day. He will either end up in rehab, sans nostrils or dead – and you will no longer have a livelihood. It’s especially fortuitous if you happen to be pregnant – threaten to turn up at a party in dressing gown and slippers and ask him to come home. You will look pitiful and he will look like a jerk.

5. Be financially independent. It’s ok when the CDs are selling and you are sailing around the Bahamas but when the latest album flops, a girl needs to know how to keep herself in the style she has become accustomed to. Musicians are also acutely aware of this dilemma which is why they tend to date models, lawyers, celebrities and heiresses.

6. Have your own thing going on. Musicians are surrounded by sycophants and freaks and prefer their partners not to be. Maintain your own interests, friends and work or you will end up like Marianne Faithfull when she was dating Mick Jagger. Not pretty. Even better do something that makes the world of rock ‘n’ roll look kind of silly, like work for a charity or find a cure for cancer.

7. If only one hundred people turn up for the gig tell husband there was a storm warning.

8. Never join your husband’s band. Remember Wings? Enough said.

9. Never, ever, go on tour. Look at the cricket WAGs. They caused such disharmony on Australia’s ill-fated 2005 Ashes tour that some believe their presence contributed to England’s recent 2-1 win.

10. Don’t try to be perfect: you’re only human. Which is more than can be said for the music business pimps and thieves you’ll meet.

TEN NOTABLE ROCK WIVES

1. Jane Barnes – Married to Oz rock legend Jimmy Barnes for over twenty years. Jane has gracefully survived her husband's constant touring, excessive drinking, drug taking, the surprise children from affairs, as well as his near-death heart attack experience.

2. Jerry Hall – Texan model who married Mick Jagger and divorced him nine years later after he had fathered a child with another model and had an affair with French Prime Minister-kissing Carla Bruni.

3. Sharon Osbourne – Wife of Black Sabbath’s Ozzie Osbourne with an estimated joint wealth of £110 million. Revived Ozzy’s metal career and is the founder of heavy metal festival Ozzfest. A Rottweiler reputation amongst groupies.

4. Stephanie Seymour – Married Guns N’ Roses’ Axl Rose and appeared in two of the band’s gloriously excessive videos in which she gets to die twice.

5. Heidi Klum – Started a relationship with Seal when pregnant with Formula-1 mogul’s child. Other rock star romantic links include Red Hot Chili Peppers singer Anthony Keidis.

6. Iman – Supermodel wife of David Bowie, daughter of a Somali ambassador, fluent in five languages, CEO of cosmetics line for women of colour, spokesperson for an HIV/AIDS prevention. Underachiever…

7. Linda McCartney – American photographer, musician and animal rights activist and heiress. Married Beatle Paul McCartney and was a member of aforementioned Wings.

8. Gwyneth Paltrow – Smart rock star’s choice. Married to Chris Martin from Coldplay. Appears backstage looking fabulous with cute toddler wearing pink noise reducing ear phones – just to let everyone know what’s what.

9. Pamela Anderson – Married Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee ninety-six hours after they met. Two sons, two attempts at divorce, two reconciliations, plus steamy videos. The marriage ended in divorce but it was fun for everyone while it lasted. Also married Kid Rock. No one’s sure if they are still together. Including them.

10. Melanie Hailstone – Married to Dallas Crane and Gun Street Girls frontman David Larkin. Still dreaming of that house in Lake Como…